


they thought us blind, we were just blinking

by AdmirableMonster (Mertiya)



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Cheating, Complicated Relationships, Don't @ Me, For A Good Cause, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Rescue from Thangorodrim, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rope Bondage, Sibling Incest, Size Kink, background russingon, consensual but we've probably left safe and sane at the door, mags is a size queen okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:07:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28558812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertiya/pseuds/AdmirableMonster
Summary: Maedhros is slowly healing from his time in Angband.  He comes to Maglor to ask something he doesn't think he can ask of Fingon.
Relationships: Maedhros | Maitimo/Maglor | Makalaurë
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	they thought us blind, we were just blinking

**Author's Note:**

> yeah it's a mess, they're a mess, but it is Very Aggressively Consensual and probably ends with a hopeful slant. obviously i'm back on my bullshit anyway here have this, whatever it is
> 
> title from "The Horror and the Wild" by The Amazing Devil

“Maglor.”Maglor looked up so sharply that his pen drew a jagged line across the page, and he muttered a curse.He’d have to start the letter over again.

“Mai—Maedhros.I wasn’t expecting you to be awake so early.”How was he supposed to talk to his older brother?How could he say what was inside his head, _I’m sorry I left you there, I know you asked me to, but I never should have.I didn’t want the crown for myself—you know that, don’t you?Please, please never leave my side again._

He did not know if he could or should have said such things to Maitimo.And his brother now—his brother was a stranger to him.There were strange shadows in his eyes.He held his right arm in a new way.It was not even the missing hand so much as the way he moved—Maitimo had moved with a soft grace, but Maedhros moved from stillness to motion in jerky, sudden bursts.And though he was finally well enough to no longer be bedridden, he spent most of his time staring out of windows with his knees drawn into his chest.Maglor knew that Fingon was worried about him.

“Please,” he’d said in a low voice before he’d gone out this morning to hunt, practically dragged away by his father.“Keep an eye on him.”

Maglor had agreed, of course.He hadn’t expected to need to do much.But he was willing.He was willing to do _anything_ for Maedhros, no matter what.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Maedhros said abruptly, taking a step into the room, his left hand rubbing a ceaseless motion across the stump of his right.“I—” he halted, and his green eyes flickered slightly.“I want to ask you for something.A favor.”There was no emotion in his voice.

“Anything,” Maglor said immediately, blotting his pen and laying it down.“Whatever you need.”

A strange, twisted smile hovered on the lips, accentuated by the scar that now curled at his upper lip.“I think, perhaps, you should not promise that before you hear my request, dear brother,” Maedhros told him.

“Well, I—” Maglor swallowed down the protestation.“Very well,” he said, rising.“What is it that you wish my help with, then?”

Maedhros did not look at him.He went over to the window and stared off in the direction that the hunting party had ridden off.“I’m broken,” he said, abruptly.“That’s what happens in Angband.”

Maglor caught his flinch and forced himself only to nod. 

“I would not—” Maedhros took a deep, shuddering breath.“Finno would want to help with this.I know he would.I cannot let him.I cannot ask that of him.”

“With what, Nelyo?”

Maedhros looked at him helplessly, and for the first time since he had returned, Maglor saw the shadow of his older brother in his eyes.Maitimo, who had gone to his death for them.“I need to learn how to suffer the intimate touch of another, without—without losing myself.Without—thinking that I am back there.”

Maglor sucked in a swift, horrified breath.“Did Sauron—wear his face?”

Laughter bubbled to Maedhros’s lips, and with that new swift motion-between-motionlessness, he was across the room, his hand cupping Maglor’s chin.“Not just his, little brother.”

As his brother’s remaining fingers traced across his face, Maglor felt a fire ignite in his belly, a roaring flame of anger and—sorrow.It had to be anger and sorrow, because he could _not_ be reacting with eagerness to his brother’s touch, his own brother, Finno’s husband, not after what he had just confessed.He shut his eyes.

“You see why I thought you might not agree to help,” Maedhros said quietly, and the emotion had been effortlessly stripped from his voice.

“I will help you,” Maglor said recklessly.He ought to have said, _will Finno not mind?_ He ought to have asked, _what will it mean?_ But he knew if he started asking questions, the first one to his lips would be, _if I do this, will you forgive me?_ and he could not ask that.Not when he still feared the answer.

Was that a flicker of surprise on his brother’s face?He wasn’t certain.Maedhros stood still, then held out his stump, with an ironic look.Maglor looked directly at him, took it, then bowed and kissed the tip.“My king,” he said softly, and he heard Maedhros give a soft little intake of breath.

* * *

They repaired to Maglor’s room.It was less of the sick room than the place Maedhros had been staying, and Maglor thought it might be more comfortable.Maedhros, at least, did not object.He let Maglor seat him on the edge of the bed, and looked over as Maglor sat beside him.

“How would you have me?” Maglor asked him, trying not to think about who he was asking the question of.Maedhros took a deep breath.“Have you any rope?” he asked bluntly.“I am weak from the sickbed, and you are not helpless, but—I would still feel better if I were bound.”

Maglor did not know what the feeling was that went through him at that—swift as a wave, gone too soon to taste it—but he was left shuddering at it.“Yes, I can fetch some rope.Why don’t you—why don’t you undress while I’m gone?”

Maedhros didn’t look at him.He was looking down at his hand, curled loosely in his lap.“Yes,” he said.Then, “Káno.Thank you.”

It did not take long to locate some light and sturdy rope.Thankfully, Maglor did not run into anyone else while on his errand.He wasn’t sure what he would have said, and his heart was pounding by the time he got back.It did not slow when he pushed open the door and found Maedhros lying stripped upon the bed.

He was not posing.He was not seductive.His cock was soft between his legs, and he almost looked as if he were sleeping, his right arm flung across his eyes.There were scars all down his body, some very deep, very puckered.It only now occurred to Maglor that restriction or pain in movement might explain the changes in his brother’s motions.He halted in the door, because Maedhros like this was the least erotic thing he had seen in his life by every metric he had ever employed—and yet, he was still hardening.

Remembering where he was, he forced himself inside and slammed the door quickly behind him.Maedhros took down his arm and regarded him carefully, with that same air of total emotionlessness.“Ready?” he asked.Maglor swallowed and nodded. 

“Tell me if the ropes are too tight,” he said, as he began to bind his brother to the bed.

“Unlikely.”Maedhros’s lips twitched with apparent amusement.“No, Káno, that’s fine.A little tighter, even.”

“I’m not going to risk cutting off your circulation,” Maglor told him steadily.

“Hm,” was the only response he got as he bent to the task at hand.It did not take too long, and then Maglor had to sit back on his heels and look at Nelyo again. 

“How should I…” he started, and it was so hard to force the words to be audible.“How would you have this happen, my king?”

Maedhros’s eyelashes fluttered, not coyly, but as if he were blinking back tears, though his eyes were dry.“Just Nelyo for now, please, little brother.”

“Yes, Nelyo.”

“Can—” Maglor became gradually aware he was not the only one having difficulty speaking.“Can you ride me?” Maedhros asked finally, the words rough, almost slurred Sindarin.

“I thought—” Maglor cut himself off.His brother’s cock was large, larger than any he had taken—not that he had a particularly wide experience, he thought, laughing at himself, his thoughts looping round—but he would do it, if it would help him.“I would have thought Sauron was interested in other things,” he finished, finally, half-evasively.

One eyebrow cocked slightly.“Sauron was interested in variety,” Maedhros told him dryly.“I do not want you to be Finno, little brother.That is not why—but I also know that I am—large—” he grimaced, “and I do not know that it would be strictly necessary—”

“No—that’s not.”Valar, could he no longer speak in sentences?“Whatever you need.Whatever you want.”He stroked his hand carefully along his brother’s inner thigh.“Shall I disrobe?”

“Please.” 

Maglor stripped himself quickly and efficiently.That single word seemed likely to cut him to the bone.Naked, he went to find a pot of oil and returned to settle himself between his brother’s legs, since Maedhros was still soft.“Do you want my mouth?” he asked recklessly, and Maedhros blinked at him, then nodded.

“Let’s—try.”

Bending forward, Maglor took his brother’s soft cock onto his tongue, smoothing his brother’s thighs down as he did so.Maedhros sighed softly and squirmed underneath him.Maglor held still until he stopped moving and then slowly began to suck, feeling Maedhros’s cock slowly fill in his mouth.He wasn’t sure if he was grateful or not.He wondered if Maedhros was grateful.

He had to pull part of the way off as Maedhros reached full hardness.

“Thank you, Káno, that’s helpful,” Maedhros said carefully, and Maglor had to suppress a wild laugh.He supposed that answered that question.Getting up he resettled himself straddling his brother’s waist, his own hard cock pressed against Maedhros’s belly.He reached for the oil.

He shuddered as he pressed his fingers into himself, and he heard Maedhros take a swift breath.

“Is that all right?” Maglor asked, suddenly terrified, his eyes snapping open.

“Yes—yes,” Maedhros agreed, sounding a little breathless for the first time.“You don’t—look like—” He broke off.“Keep going.Please.”

“Good.Good.”Maglor rocked onto his own fingers, a little clumsily, biting his lip, trying not to moan too loudly.He thought he could feel Maedhros’s eyes on his skin, and it made him feel hot and prickling all over.His eyes had slid shut, and he had to open them again, with a gasp, because his mind had supplied _Maitimo_ —had supplied Maitimo’s bright eyes and sweet smile, looking at him like this, and he had to remind himself that this was _Maedhros_ —not a stranger, never a stranger, but not—not the brother he remembered from Valinor, either.There was moisture on his face.

“Are you all right?” Maedhros asked, and then he did sob, because somehow he had asked in Maitimo’s voice, and it wasn’t _fair_ —

In frustration, he swiped the tears away.“Fine,” he said, affecting a light tone of voice. “Overstimulating myself, I suppose.”

“Káno, I may be paranoid and broken and half-mad, but I’m not _stupid_ ,” Maedhros said.

“Shut up,” Maglor told him, and then, recklessly, he bent over and kissed his brother on the mouth.Maedhros moaned and kissed him back, and Maglor knew that this was _not for him_ ; this was for Finno and Nelyo, this was expiation and atonement, but he could not keep from taking pleasure in it.Ferociously, he fought the feelings down—all of them—for was he not also a son of Fëanáro?“Do you want me, still, brother?” he asked.“Riding you, as you said?”

He pulled back and saw that Maedhros was flushed and nodding shakily.“Yes,” he said hoarsely.“But, again, I must warn you, I still don’t know how I will react.”

“Oh, Nelyo, I am not such a delicate flower,” Maglor retorted.He went up on his knees so he could spread himself and guide his brother’s cock to his hole, biting his lip and gasping as he did.

He was big—almost too big—and it made Maglor’s thighs tremble and his breath rattle in his lungs.He hissed with pain, pausing to let himself readjust, pausing to stroke himself back to hardness.It was a more momentous task he had set himself than he had given himself credit for, but he _would_ do it, and though it hurt, he persevered until, finally— _finally_ —he felt it fully-seated inside him.His cheeks were wet with tears again, but they were only from pain now, and he felt savagely triumphant as he began to roll his hips, gently at first, then more urgent.

“ _Nnnn—_ ” He had found the angle that would press Maedhros’s cock against the sweet, secret place inside himself that turned the burn from pain to pleasure, that made him see stars and gasp and whine with the delicious sensation of being filled (fuller than ever before, Nelyo, Nelyo, _Nelyo_ —) He bit down on his lip till it bled to keep from crying out his brother’s name.But, no—what did he need?He could not keep mindlessly taking his pleasure like this.Though it was fearful, he turned his face up to look at his brother—who was trembling, eyes screwed up.As Maglor watched, he began to fight against the restraints, and the bed-frame creaked and groaned.

“Nelyo, look at me!” There was only time for a split-second decision, and it might go very wrong, but Maglor followed his instinct, striking his brother sharply across the cheek.The sound of the slap was loud in the little room.Nelyo’s eyes flew open.

“Am I not—hurting you?” he rasped out.“Is that not the script?” He laughed, ragged-edged and painful.

“No, you are _not_ hurting me,” Maglor snarled.“I’m melting onto your cock because even like this you are beautiful, even like this you are worth dying for, because I love you so much that for thirty years I left you as you told me to, even though I thought it would tear me to _pieces_ by the end!”

His brother’s clouded green eyes cleared slowly as he continued to fuck himself on that too-large cock, heedless of how it stretched him and seemed to force his insides to mold themselves to accommodate it.“Nelyo,” he gasped.“Dost thou not know how I love thee?”

And Maitimo’s smile crossed those scarred lips, Maitimo’s _hope_ dawning in those shuttered eyes.“I am beginning to see,” he murmured softly.“Ai, Káno, that feels _good_ —”

“Good, it feels good fuh-for me as well,” gasped Maglor.“Mmm—you’re so _big_ —”His cock was twitching and leaking.He let it, not bothering to pay much attention to anything but the sensation of his brother filling him up.“ _Nnnnn_ — _Nelyo_ —”

“Yes,” Maedhros gasped.“Yes, I’m—”

Maglor took this as encouragement to fuck himself down onto his brother’s cock harder than ever.He wanted it, and based on what he had just seen, he needed Maedhros to _know_ that he wanted it. _Did you take me for such a—a boring caricature, Sauron?_ He felt a thrill of almost—indignation.And then that was swept away as well, as his hands scrabbled at Maedhros’s shoulders, and he wailed Maedhros’s name loudly as he bounced vigorously up and down.

He did not know how long it went on, with Maedhros’s hard cock inside him, Maedhros gasping and moaning beneath him, Maglor coming apart in front of his older brother in a way he never had before—in a way he, perhaps, never should have—but in the end he heard Maedhros curse and felt the cock inside him pulse; clenched and stroked himself madly to follow to completion in a few last heady movements; and levered himself slowly, almost dazedly, off his brother’s cock.He flopped onto Maedhros’s side with Maedhros’s seed trickling out of him.

“There,” he said breathlessly.He was a sweaty mess, and his brother wasn’t much better.“You see?You are not so broken as you thought.”

Maedhros blinked at him slowly and then leaned sideways to drop a chaste kiss onto his forehead.“Thank you,” he said quietly.“I—Káno, you have given me a great gift.”

It twinged inside Maglor then that he had enjoyed himself, so it had perhaps been not as much an atonement as he had hoped for.He nestled against his brother’s shoulder for a moment, before saying, in a voice he hoped was light, “You should talk to Finno.”

Maedhros gave a soft, shuddering groan.“It will not be so easy with him,” he murmured.“Sauron had more to work with.And I came to you because I—I could not—” He made a soft, frustrated noise.“Untie me, Káno.”

“Yes, of course.”Maglor levered himself upright and began to undo the knots that bound him.“But you should talk to Finno, all the same,” he insisted.“Now you know that you can still suffer another’s touch this way.Even if it is difficult, even if it is—he will want to know.He will want to help.He—” Maglor was a little afraid his voice was trembling.“He loves thee so.”

Maedhros sat up, rubbing at his right wrist with his left hand.“Perhaps you are right,” he agreed.Then he ruffled Maglor’s hair gently with one large hand, and Maglor thought his heart might leap from his chest.“He is not the only one, I think,” Maedhros said softly, and then he rose, took his clothes, and was gone.


End file.
